Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
