There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
