Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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