You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize