Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize