We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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