drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
