This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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