I bet he comes in French.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
