Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
