The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
