nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
