all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
