Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
