He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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