I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
