I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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