My brain says no but my pants say off.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
