Your tits are I can't wait for
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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