Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
