I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize