there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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