If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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