I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
