i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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