Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
