it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
