So drunk its hurt
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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