We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
