Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
