She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
