If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
