There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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