I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My penis needs a shock collar
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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