so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
