So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
