i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
