if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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