I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
