haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
