I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
