i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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