Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
