the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
