Yo dont text me then not text me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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