I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
