Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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