some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
not ubering you a puppy
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
