Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
