my phone needs a breathalizer
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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