He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
