Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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