I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
