OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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