id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
