Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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