hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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