I want to have your abortion
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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