I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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