I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
