dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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