Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
