stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
