I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
