**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
