I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
