I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize