don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
