i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
