I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
