I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
