You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it because I queefed?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
