Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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